Important Life Lessons

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One recent night, as I was drifting off to sleep I had an idea for a book. Of course, this happens a lot, but this one surprised me because it’s totally not the kind of writing I do. It would be a “things you should know” humorous non-fiction piece and I guess I was thinking about little lessons my kids should learn before they go off to the real world, which, by the way, is approaching way too quickly.

Ever since I thought of this unoriginal idea, I’ve been seeing these little lessons pop up in daily life.

For example, don’t do anything in public you don’t want on the Internet because it might find its way there. But, more importantly, don’t do anything in private with friends and family around because it will definitely find its way there. And it will be there forever. So, yes, Son#3, the silly video you did with your friends and put on YouTube…your future boss or wife will likely see it. Good thing it was clean and kind of funny and you didn’t make too much of a fool of yourself.

We women know the obvious one we preach to the males in our households: Don’t leave the toilet seat up any time, but especially at night because that feeling of falling and then the, uh, rest, just plain sucks. Especially when you’re half asleep.

But here’s a related one: If you usually leave the bathroom door open, always leave it open. The other night I had that urgent middle-of-the-night nature call. Refusing to wake up all the way, my eyes were only slits as I shuffled through the dark bedroom. I intuitively avoided the dog bed and then the dog who doesn’t sleep on his bed. I missed the bags of clothes for charity that have been sitting there long enough to know they’re there, even in my sleep. Then…

Face-plow into the bathroom door. The noise was enough to wake The Man, who sat up and barked, “What the hell?!” And my reply: “You left the effin’ door closed!” Though, it wasn’t nearly so nice because by then I was awake and grouchy.

I’m not alone in this experience. About a year ago, my friend got up to use the potty and had a nice sized lump on her forehead for the next few days. So, a little lesson for life. It goes the other way, too: If you usually leave the door closed, always leave it closed. I can imagine someone stumbling in the dark and raising their arm to where they instinctively know the door is, leaning in to open it and it’s not there. Face meets bathroom floor. And that’s just never good.

The book will probably never become a reality. Like I said, it’s just not my usual style. If anything, I might put something together as a tongue-in-cheek graduation gift (which starts up next year – yikes!). So, I will be looking out for these little lessons.

What about you? Any funny anecdotes we should all learn from? Anything I can share with the Herd of Teenagers? Maybe we can all collaborate on a book for charity. That could be fun. So…let’s hear it! (Pssst...don't forget, a comment here gives you an entry into the giveaway.)