That Fluttery Feeling

Do you get that fluttery, queasy feeling in your gut when crit partners return your story? You know, excited but sick-to-your-stomach nervous? You can't wait to see their reaction to the plot, to the characters, to the beginning, the middle and the end, to the twists and turns, etc. Do they love Mr. Hawtness as much as you do? Did they see that twist coming? Which lines made them laugh? Did they cry?

But for me, the most disconcerting question of all, especially while under deadline as I am now, is... How much more work do I need to do? Because, you know, in that first round, there's a lot. We like to think there isn't, that we're geniuses and hit it beautifully right out of the gate. But deep down we know better, so we know there's work coming. Just how much?

In the second round, we think we're pretty close. We've addressed everything from the first round, smoothed out our transitions with the new material, and, while we were at it, tightened up the writing. We think our plot is sound and our character arc develops well. Feedback from this round will let us know that we filled all the plot holes and/or that we created new ones. So we either have a long way to go still or...we don't.

In the third round, at least in my process, it's mostly about polishing the writing, clearing up any final loose ends, etc. Feedback from this round should, hopefully, be all about strengthening the writing and putting on a few last minute touches. The light is at the end of the tunnel. Right?

Well, this is how I'd like it to all go. But with each round, I just can't be sure. Changes after the first round might be so extensive that I've created all kinds of new problems that come back in the second round. Third round critters might find plot or character issues the first two rounds missed and now that they've been pointed out, I can't just leave them like that!

Aack! More work to do than I expected.

There's always more work to do than I expect. Just when I think it's perfect, something else is brought to my attention. I get to the point where I can't stand the story anymore and wish I'd never written it. Just the thought of looking at it again makes me want to vomit. So far in my experience, that's been the last round. It's just when I absolutely hate the story and never want anything to do with it again that it comes back clean. And then I realize how much better it is. And then I love it again.

Right now, I'm waiting on critters' feedback for GENESIS. Every time I hear the email dinging sound, my stomach drops to my knees, just knowing it's from a critter. Which is a little melodramatic, considering I get 100s of emails a day and 99% of them are not from critters. But I can't help it.

And when they are from a critter, my heart pounds, ready to sink when I see how many problems there are still to fix. With a deadline looming directly overhead, problems mean lots of coffee and late nights in my near future. So far, though, this round hasn't been too bad. Of course, they've just barely begun, so I'm not holding my breath. A lack of oxygen does nothing for that fluttery, queasy feeling but, perhaps, make it worse.

How do you feel when you get crit partner feedback? Do your emotions get all twisted in a bunch? Or are you just plain excited to hear back? Do you sit on top of the inbox, checking every 2 minutes or do you run and hide and pretend like the email isn't there until you know you must open it?

Perfectionism or Procrastination?

So, the other day I was complaining about never being done, even when you think you are. Typos pop up out of nowhere. Words lose their italics or get italicized when they're not supposed to be. Someone bends over at the "waste"...um, yeah, that happened, even after several rounds of revisions.

Then a funny thing happened. Not "haha" but more like, "a-ha." After I made that post, I added excerpts to the Purpose website. And because Word adds in all kinds of bogus HTML (if anyone can tell me how to avoid that, I'd love you forever!!), I had to go through the excerpts line-by-line to remove the unnecessary and cluttery tags.

As I'm doing that, a couple phrases pop out at me. And I'm suddenly thinking of a better way to say them. Not able to control myself, I make the changes. Then go back into the Word and PDF docs to make the changes there, too. Now I have an itch to go through the whole book to make sure there aren't other phrases that could be even better. Because I know there are.

I also went into Promise's excerpts and reformatted that page. And it happened again. I didn't make the changes, though. I wanted to. So very badly. But the book is published and I just need to keep it the way it is. It bugs the crap out of me, though. And this was my a-ha moment.

Actually, I've had this conversation with other writers, published and not, so it wasn't really an "a-ha" moment as it was a reminder. As writers, we (hopefully) are continuously growing, learning and improving our craft. We will always go back and look at something we wrote and have ideas to make it even better. A different word. A more compelling way to phrase something. Perhaps even a whole scene or chapter that could be removed or improved.

No matter how good we thought it was then, at a later time, we see how it can be even better. This will always be true. So at some point, we do have to call the work done. We have to move on to the next step, whatever it is for each of us. Because if we keep trying to make this one perfect, we'll never get to the next one. And who wants to work on the same story their entire life? Not me. I have too many others I need to get out of my head.

Do you find yourself nit-picking? Is it because the story really isn't ready? Or is it because you're being a perfectionist? Or perhaps because you're procrastinating, afraid of the next step (i.e., querying or the next blank page 1)?